The Platinum Rule - Treat others the way they want to be treated
When people have different needs, cultures or communication styles from your own
Also known as: “Treat others how they want to be treated”; “Treat others as they would like to be treated”
What Does “The Platinum Rule - Treat others the way they want to be treated” Mean?
The Platinum Rule refines the Golden Rule: instead of treating people the way you would want to be treated, find out how they want to be treated and do that. It recognizes that preferences differ - one person wants blunt feedback, another wants it gently; one person loves public praise, another finds it embarrassing.
Origin and History
The term was popularized by speaker and author Tony Alessandra, whose book The Platinum Rule (written with Michael J. O'Connor) appeared in 1996. Critics point out that the Golden Rule, read generously, already implies respecting other people's wishes - you would want others to respect yours.
Examples
- Management: ask each team member how they prefer to receive feedback and recognition.
- Gifts: give what the other person would enjoy, not what you would enjoy.
- Customer service: let customers choose chat, email or phone instead of forcing your preferred channel.
- Relationships: learn how your partner shows and receives care, rather than assuming it matches yours.
What Happens When You Break It
Applying only your own preferences can make kind intentions feel careless: surprise parties for people who hate surprises, detailed emails to people who wanted a quick call, or public recognition for someone who prefers privacy.
Benefits of Following This Rule
Following the Platinum Rule builds trust, reduces misunderstandings across cultures and personalities, and makes feedback, recognition and service feel personal rather than generic.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule?
The Golden Rule says treat others as YOU would like to be treated; the Platinum Rule says treat others as THEY would like to be treated.
Does the Platinum Rule mean doing whatever people want?
No. It means respecting reasonable preferences. You still keep your own ethics and boundaries; you would not help someone do harm just because they want it.